We are getting really desperate!

Coreys violence has gotten out of control, I can’t even leave him in a room with my other children anymore because I can’t trust him not to hurt them.

Yesterday he punched his 7 year old brother in the head and then the mouth because he wasn’t ‘playing the game right’.  The night before he had a friend sleep over and I ended up ringing his Mum to tell her to come and pick him up after him and Corey had a big fight and were threatening to break each others neck.  Corey apparently pulled a knife on him too when I was in the shower.

Coreys behavior is getting bad at school too, where in the past he has always managed to control himself at school.  He has had a couple of detentions and has now been suspended from school for 3 days, which is to happen after the school holidays which we have another week off.

So as you can see, we really are quite desperate now as his violence really is out of control and I am so worried that someone is going to get badly hurt again.

The natural medicine that I got doesn’t seem to be helping at all.  I know it said it could take 3 to 4 weeks before you start seeing results and it’s been about 3 weeks now that he’s been taking it, but no change yet, if anything he is worse.

Today he slammed the door against his brothers leg and when I heard him crying and asked Corey what he had done to him, he grabbed a glass that was in his room and was going to throw it at me.

We have been told that he doesn’t have ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) because he doesn’t display his symptoms at all times in all places.  Although now he is starting to.  Anyway, I don’t know whether he ‘technically’ does have it or not but look, here are the symptoms taken from MyOutOfControlTeen.com

=> Are you concerned that your child:

• Is going to hurt himself? YES
  
• Is going to hurt someone else? YES
  
• May end up in juvenile detention someday? YES
• May experiment with drugs or alcohol someday? YES
  

=> Has your child:

• Lied to you? YES
• Stolen from you? YES
• Destroyed property? YES
• Ran away from home? YES (although he usually just goes to the end of the street)
  
• Refused to do any chores? YES all the time
  
• Refused to follow any rules? YES
• Been verbally & physically aggressive? YES VERY
  
• Had temper tantrums that knew no limits?!! YES DEFINITELY

So, these are the symptoms of ODD and yes he has every single one of them to a HUGE DEGREE – so you tell me – do you think he has it?

I know a little while ago I talked about having a forum where parents can get together and chat with other parents in similar situations, but I really just haven’t had a chance to get it established.

So, I am just looking at the MyOutOfControlTeen.com website and it looks quite good and it’s only $29 (which compared to the money I’ve spent on natural therapies and pscyhologists and pyschiatrists isn’t much) and they have a members forum which would be good.  So I might grab a copy of this and see what it’s like, it has a money back guarantee too so if it’s no good I’ll get a refund, but hopefully I wont need to.

Like I said – I’m desperate and I know many things online are just to make money and don’t actually work, but I’m desperate so I’ll give anything a go at the moment.  So I am going to get this and have a read.  I believe it has an ebook, videos and a forum.  I think we are going to go away for a few days in the caravan on Sunday, so I might print it out and take it with me to read.

So – wish me luck!

When Corey gets into one of his rages I really can’t stand to watch him like that.  Sometimes he just gets so upset that I think he’s going to explode if he doesn’t stop yelling and screaming like that.

For example, last night him and Ben just wouldn’t stop fighting.  My husband just got to the stage that he’d had enough and told them both to go and have a shower and go to bed – it was only around 7pm at the time.  Corey just went crazy and lost it completely, no way was he going to have a shower and go to bed that early.

Of course Corey isn’t going to give in but neither is my husband and my husband completely refused to leave Coreys room until Corey agreed to go and have a shower.  Which of course he wouldn’t and the longer my husband stood there the more Corey would scream.

I just couldn’t stand listening to him screaming like that and I know it isn’t good for him.  He always ends up with headaches after he screams and screams like that.  But, my husband was dealing with it and we know that even though we don’t always agree with one another on discipline, you can’t show that disagreement to your children, we need to be strong and back each other up, so I decided to just stay out of it.

However, after another 5 or so minutes of this constant screaming I couldn’t take it any longer.  As much as Corey makes me angry and when I’m so angry with him I really don’t feel like hugging him, but I knew that it was the only way to calm him down.  So I walked into his room, told my husband to leave and just sat next to him and hugged him.

I talked to him and told him to take some deep breathes and we just sat there like that for a while until he calmed down.  Once he was calm I told him that I wanted to talk to him but I didn’t want him to lose control and get angry, I just wanted him to listen.  Then I calmly asked him to go and have a shower and tried to explain to him that all this screaming doesn’t help the situation and certainly wont make Dad give in to him.

Corey got up and had a shower – he did make sure to point out that he still refused to go to bed after the shower, but I just ignored that and only worried at this stage about him having that shower.  Because he did then go calmly and have a shower and had completely calmed down by the time he got out the shower, we did let them stay up a little bit longer before going to bed.

I know that I have occasions where I just have had enough and I lose it with them, so I know how my husband felt.  I am trying hard lately though to try and not get to that stage and to try and stay as calm as I can.  It isn’t always possible, sometimes you just lose it and I think anyone that tells you they’ve never lost it with their child (especially if it is a child with behavior issues) is probably lying.  We’re only human and it is a difficult job to raise and deal with a child that has behavior issues and it’s normal to show cracks and lose it from time to time.

It was a nurse at the hospital a couple of weeks ago that told me that if anyone denies ever ‘losing it’ then they are lying.  That was when I did reach the point of not being able to take any more and I went to slap Corey on the arm.  We were doing dishes at the time and Corey was holding a metal spatula thing and when I went to slap him, he went to put his arm up in defense and my wrist came down onto the spatula and cut open my wrist.  I ended up with 7 stitches in my wrist.  When it is a cut across the wrist, it isn’t easy trying to explain to people what happened – a lot of people just assume that I tried to cut my own wrist being in that position.  I just tell everyone that I had an accident while doing the dishes – which it was, I know it was an accident and if anything it was my own fault for losing it.

But I guess it did teach me to try and be more calm and not to lose the plot so quickly.  I think since this happened I have really put an effort into being calmer with the kids which is a good thing.  I have brought in some new rules and they miss out on things for being naughty and I’m being tough in that sense and sticking to my guns when I tell them that they are banned or missing out on something.  For example, we have a rule that they only have friends over after school or go to a friends house on Mondays and Fridays.  Now, we’ve added to that rule that if they are constantly fighting and their behavior is really bad at home, then they don’t have anyone over at all.  Last week they had no-one over on Monday for bad behavior and so for the next few days they were quite good and so they had friends over on Friday.  They have been fighting constantly over the weekend so today I’ll be sticking to my guns and not letting them have anyone over.  I know they won’t be happy about it, but they learn quite quickly when you enforce rules like that.  Especially when their little brother does get to have someone over because he does behave.

Anyway, I’m raving again, I know that once I get started I usually rave on a bit.  So back to the hug therapy….. that was my point of this post, in my new quest to stay calmer with the kids I have used the hugging to calm Corey a couple of times and it has worked very well.  Sometimes I think that’s all he needs is a big hug.  I think he often feels so lost and like he doesn’t fit in.  Sometimes I think he gets quite jealous of his little brother who is a real affection kid and is always coming and giving me hugs.  Then with Corey who is always naughty I usually don’t feel like hugging him, so I know Lachlan does get more affection and I think that really does bother Corey.

So, as well as trying to stay calm, I think I really do need to put more effort into showing Corey more affection too.

Lots of hugs – you can never give your kids too many hugs!

Thanks for reading and I hope you and your kids have a lovely day
Sheryl
My-Beautiful-Boy.com

Since starting this blog I have had a number of emails from Mothers with similar issues, with kids that have behavior problems and can’t seem to find a solution to them.  Some with ODD, some with ADHD and some with Aspergers and then some, like Corey, that can’t seem to get a diagnosis.

One thing that most of these Mothers have in common is that living with a child with behavior issues can be incredibly challenging and difficult and often you feel like your all alone.  It is difficult putting up with tantrums on a daily basis and it is just as difficult having other people look at you like you are a bad Mother that can’t discipline her child properly.

As mothers with difficult children we all know that there is much more to it than just discipline and in fact if you have more than one child and your other children are perfectly normally behaved, then it really can’t be a discipline issue if they are all disciplined the same way.

Anyway, here I go raving again, if you’ve read my blog you have probably realised that once I start writing I do tend to rave on a bit and let it all out

The reason for todays post is that I have just replied to a couple of emails that I’d received from other mothers and I started thinking about whether I should have a forum on my site.  Not that I mind people contacting me via email, I don’t mind at all and in fact it is nice to hear from people who read my blog and it lets me know that I’m not alone in my quest to make my child happy.  I was just wondering whether other mothers would be interested in a forum where they could share their experiences and talk to other mothers will similar issues.

So I’m not going to just jump in and create a forum (a bad habit of mine – get something in my mind and rush into it) I thought I’d put it out there and see if anyone would be interested in joining a forum.

So if you would be interested in joining a forum with other mothers of children with behavior issues then please leave a comment below to show your interest and if I get enough response and enough interest then I will set it up.\

Thanks for reading – I hope you and your children have a great day!
Sheryl
My-Beautiful-Boy.com

Regardless of the cause of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder the fact is that many children are being diagnosed with it and as a parent it is important that you arm yourself with as much information about ADHD as you can.

Many of the symptoms of ADHD are typical symptoms of many children and may also be symptoms of other disorders so in many cases it can be difficult to diagnose. As a parent you may become aware or feel that your child’s behavior is just a bit beyond the normal range of these symptoms and that is when you should seek professional help.

The symptoms of ADHD include:

• A child who cannot sit still and is always restless
• A child who doesn’t listen to what his parents or teachers say
• A child who cannot concentrate for even a short period of time
• A child who is extremely fidgety
• May take risks easily without considering the consequences of their actions
• May be very talkative and will just blurt out anything he thinks regardless of whether it is appropriate or not
• May be easily distracted and will find it difficult to complete a set task

They symptoms of an adult with ADHD will include the above and may also include:

• Inconsistent performance
• Decreasing work productivity
• May show signs of hypertension and nervousness
• May find it difficult to maintain relationships
• Will seek out stimulating activities
• May suffer from bouts of depression
• May lack organisational skills

As I mentioned earlier these ADHD symptoms often relate to many people but it is to the extent of which these symptoms appear that separates a person with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder from any other person. The symptoms in an ADHD person will be quite extreme and for the parents of a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder it can be very exhausting.

To find out more about ADHD and other child disorder visit our website at http://www.ourexceptionalkids.com

Read our article on Autism at Ezine Articles and also our article titled ‘What Are The Signs Of Aspergers Syndrome’