We are getting really desperate!

Coreys violence has gotten out of control, I can’t even leave him in a room with my other children anymore because I can’t trust him not to hurt them.

Yesterday he punched his 7 year old brother in the head and then the mouth because he wasn’t ‘playing the game right’.  The night before he had a friend sleep over and I ended up ringing his Mum to tell her to come and pick him up after him and Corey had a big fight and were threatening to break each others neck.  Corey apparently pulled a knife on him too when I was in the shower.

Coreys behavior is getting bad at school too, where in the past he has always managed to control himself at school.  He has had a couple of detentions and has now been suspended from school for 3 days, which is to happen after the school holidays which we have another week off.

So as you can see, we really are quite desperate now as his violence really is out of control and I am so worried that someone is going to get badly hurt again.

The natural medicine that I got doesn’t seem to be helping at all.  I know it said it could take 3 to 4 weeks before you start seeing results and it’s been about 3 weeks now that he’s been taking it, but no change yet, if anything he is worse.

Today he slammed the door against his brothers leg and when I heard him crying and asked Corey what he had done to him, he grabbed a glass that was in his room and was going to throw it at me.

We have been told that he doesn’t have ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) because he doesn’t display his symptoms at all times in all places.  Although now he is starting to.  Anyway, I don’t know whether he ‘technically’ does have it or not but look, here are the symptoms taken from MyOutOfControlTeen.com

=> Are you concerned that your child:

• Is going to hurt himself? YES
  
• Is going to hurt someone else? YES
  
• May end up in juvenile detention someday? YES
• May experiment with drugs or alcohol someday? YES
  

=> Has your child:

• Lied to you? YES
• Stolen from you? YES
• Destroyed property? YES
• Ran away from home? YES (although he usually just goes to the end of the street)
  
• Refused to do any chores? YES all the time
  
• Refused to follow any rules? YES
• Been verbally & physically aggressive? YES VERY
  
• Had temper tantrums that knew no limits?!! YES DEFINITELY

So, these are the symptoms of ODD and yes he has every single one of them to a HUGE DEGREE – so you tell me – do you think he has it?

I know a little while ago I talked about having a forum where parents can get together and chat with other parents in similar situations, but I really just haven’t had a chance to get it established.

So, I am just looking at the MyOutOfControlTeen.com website and it looks quite good and it’s only $29 (which compared to the money I’ve spent on natural therapies and pscyhologists and pyschiatrists isn’t much) and they have a members forum which would be good.  So I might grab a copy of this and see what it’s like, it has a money back guarantee too so if it’s no good I’ll get a refund, but hopefully I wont need to.

Like I said – I’m desperate and I know many things online are just to make money and don’t actually work, but I’m desperate so I’ll give anything a go at the moment.  So I am going to get this and have a read.  I believe it has an ebook, videos and a forum.  I think we are going to go away for a few days in the caravan on Sunday, so I might print it out and take it with me to read.

So – wish me luck!

Tuesday – this is the day that I had a meeting with the school counsellor, a lady from the education department and Corey’s teacher.  This is also the day that Corey decided to wake up in a foul mood and absolutely refused to go to school.

I’ll talk about the Corey situation first.  I don’t know if he just woke up in a foul mood, whether me having this meeting at school was on his mind (although I hadn’t really mentioned it much) or what the reason was for his behavior, but on Tuesday morning it was terrible.  He was foul right from the moment he got up, then when I was in the shower I heard Lachlan screaming, then Lochie ran through to my room and refused to go out and get ready for school because he was too scared Corey would hurt him.  Apparently the scream was because Corey had hit him across the face. 

We have a reward system where they get a pin on the board if they are good or lose a pin if they are naughty.  If they are naughty in a violent or abusive way toward a sibling, then that pin that they lose is given to that sibling.  So because of the hit across the face Corey lost a pin and Lachlan got that pin – well you would have thought the world was ending, he was not happy at all.  I wasn’t giving in though as they are our rules and I’m sticking to them.

Anyway, that just made his mood even worse and he just refused to go to school.

So then when I had my meeting at the school, he was left to sit in the car.  I parked the car in the taxi spot right outside the office door so the receptionist could keep an eye on him.  The meeting was good.  His teacher is new to the school and she is really lovely – yay, finally he has a nice teacher.  His teacher last year just didn’t care about kids with needs, it was like they are a big inconvenience to her (and already this year there have been issues with that particular teacher with another child but I wont get into that).

Coreys teacher this year though is so nice and in the last few days since that meeting I think she has really tried to help Corey.  He came home on Friday and told me that he thinks he is the teacher favourite as she always asks him to help her out and do special tasks and is really nice to him.  So that is great to see that he has a teacher that is giving him the help he needs in the class room.

The other good thing that came out of this meeting is that I think the seriousness of his behavior has finally become known.  When I mentioned how he gets quite violent and punches walls and punches himself in the head etc, it really got their attention.  So the education department is now arranging another meeting with a lady who specializes in this side of things and will know what path to take.  So I should have that meeting within the next couple of weeks.  That is their biggest concern now, is that he has so much anxiety and anger and that really does need to be addresses.

YAY – finally!

A Good Book – my Aunty was out the other day and saw this book called “Have a New Kid By Friday” by Dr. Kevin Leman.  She thought about me when she saw the book and bought it for me.  When I first heard the name I just thought ‘yeah right’ how can any kid change that much in just a few days.

But, she had bought it for me so I sat down and had a read.

WOW!

This book is really good.  I have read a lot of books on raising children, how to have happy children, how to have healthy children, do you have a tricky child, fed up (Fed Up by Sue Dengate is also a good book if you think their diet may be affecting their behavior),  etc etc etc, I’ve just about read them all.  This book would probably be the best one I’ve read.

Sometimes when reading these books I feel like they must be written by someone who has never had kids.  Not with this book, when I was reading this I could relate to it very well.  The strategies that he uses are quite good and although I know it’s going to be difficult sticking to it I’m certainly going to give it a go.

Just as an example – for sibling rivalry, when they are fighting he says to put them in a room together and let them work it out.  I really didn’t think that would be possible with Ben and Corey – I didn’t believe they could have a civil conversation together.  But I tried it yesterday, I put them in the laundry (the least fun room in the house) and told them they couldn’t come out until they had talked about why they were fighting and reached some sort of agreement.

My golly gosh they actually did it.  Instead of just yelling at each other, they discussed it sensibly and were quite serious and when they finished they called me in and told me what they’d discussed.  They even admitted to what bits they had done that they shouldn’t have done.  They had told each other how their actions had made them feel.  The best bit is – for the next couple of hours they were good and didn’t fight (I know a couple of hours doesn’t sound like much, but it is in my house).  They had another fight later in the afternoon and I did the same thing again and once again they talked about it and worked it out.

So, I’m going to be reading it again, just to make sure I know exactly what I’m doing and then these strategies are going to be enforced and we’ll see if there is any change.  I need to talk them through with my husband too to make sure we’re both on the same wave length with this.

So far though I’m quite impressed with this book and definitely recommend it, but if you want to wait a few days and see what results I get I will post back here and let you know.

Thanks for reading
Take care
Sheryl

Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child’s Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days

For Corey it is good, he has had enough.  He missed 3 days off school last week and says he doesn’t want to go because he keeps getting into fights and he hates his teacher.  Corey has always managed to control his behavior at school and is actually very quiet and shy at school.  However, recently he is finding it harder and harder to control his anger. He gets teased a bit and I think it is because of his shy, reserved nature that he is a bit of a target for teasing.  But it is getting to the extent that he’s had enough and is really finding it difficult to stay calm.  He is worried that he is going to lose control like he does at home.

He hates his teacher because she just yells at him.  Because he has never actually been diagnosed with Aspergers or anything else, they don’t take into consideration his difficulty in controlling his emotions, so if he loses it and swears, they just yell at him and tell him off.  Sometimes I wish he would lose control at school so that they could then see how he is at home, because I really don’t think that they believe us that he gets as bad as he gets.  Perhaps if he lost it at school, then they might try and get us the help that they keep telling us we’ll get.

Although an actual diagnosis isn’t going to change his behavior at all, at least it might get his teachers to understand his behavior and deal with it in a better way than just yelling at him.  His teacher has a terrible way of talking to all the kids (parents too) and Corey just doesn’t deal well with that at all.

As for me – I think 6 weeks off is a nightmare.  I know it will just be constant fighting and yelling and they will drive me crazy.  But what can you do??  I love them to bits – can’t bare to be away from them can’t bare to have them with me all the time!

The first week of school holidays was great, Coreys behavior for that first week was so good, but by the second week it all started going down hill.  I don’t know if it was because after that first week they started to get bored, or whether it was because he had a few late nights and was just over tired.  Whatever the reason, the behavior wasn’t good and I was really looking forward to school going back in today.

Trying to understand Coreys behavior is just so hard, perhaps that’s where I’m going wrong, maybe I shouldn’t be trying to understand it and just accept it for what it is.

I need to read the Parenting Guide To Aspergers again, I had a quick read through it when I first got it and then I had a quick glance at it the other day.  Just reading some of the issues that people have with their kids, they sound just like Corey.  The book has different situations or questions given by parents with Asperger children and then the answers to how to deal with those situations.

I must sit down and have a good read through it, particularly those sections that really sound just like  Corey.  It’s good too because it makes you feel ‘less alone’ when you read about others that have similar problems.

Well, it’s almost time to go and pick them up from school so I better get a move on and let’s hope that he had a good day at school today.  The first week back after school holidays is usually not too good, after a couple of days back they get tired and grumpy and it takes a few days for them to get settled back into their routine.

Thanks for reading
Sheryl
www.my-beautiful-boy.com