Although we haven’t had any changes in Corey’s behaviour yet, she is delving into his thoughts and trying to see how he thinks, which no-one has ever done before.

She uses techniques like having lots of toy animals on a table and asking him to choose one animal for each person close to him.  Then asking him questions and to arrange the animals in order to answer her questions.

She also had one session where she had him drawing angry faces and happy faces etc, on a whiteboard, and he relates to doing these things really well.  No-one else ever did this sort of therapy, they only ever asked him questions or asked me questions, but didn’t really try to relate to him on this other level.

Although we still don’t have a diagnosis of anything, and it doesn’t look like we will, at least he is getting some help.

I don’t think Julie believes he has anything like ODD or Aspergers or anything at all, she believes something in his past, some traumatic event or perhaps a few events, have led to his behaviour and because it wasn’t dealt with it has been kept in and increasingly gotten worse.

I’m not sure if I agree with this 100% as I do feel that there is something else there causing his behavior, but I guess it is possible so we’ll keep going down this road and see how we go.  At least it’s the most help we have ever received for him so if it can help him then we’ll keep going.

He has another session this coming Friday so I’ll let you know how he goes.

Saturday night we decided to go and get Chinese for dinner.  The change in Corey was incredible.  We’ve never been able to pinpoint any exact food that seems to set Corey off until now.  It’s possible that he’d been good for a week so was due for a bad change anyway, so perhaps it may have happened and it wasn’t the food, but it is strange that the timing of it was just after he’d eaten Chinese for dinner.

It didn’t take long for him to start being naughty.  He was naughty but quiet too, between naughty moments he would go and lie in his room and watch TV.  Then at bed time, about three or four hours after dinner, he went crazy.  He was at his worst.  It was incredible and I’m surprised to know that his behaviour still surprises me at times.  Perhaps it surprised me because we had had a reasonably good week with him and then this just came out of the blue.  He screamed, yelled, screamed, banged his head, threw things around, screamed some more and well you know how it goes!  And there was really absolutely no reason for this meltdown, it just happened because it was bed time.

So could it have been the MSG?

Is it a coincidence that his behavior had been reasonably good and then once he ate MSG he became very bad?  Today is about four days since the Chinese dinner and he has been pretty awful for the last four days.  Today his anger seems to have subsided and he is having a ’silly’ mood.  I wonder if this is the end of the reaction to the MSG, if that’s what it was.

So today is grocery shopping day and I’m taking my list of additives and preservatives to avoid from the Sue Dengate book ‘Fed Up’ and I’m only going to buy foods without those additives and preservatives and in particular MSG.  Let’s see if I keep him off MSG for a while whether it will make any difference.

My older son Ben, he felt really sick after eating the Chinese.  He picked up fairly quickly, but he did lie down on the sofa for a while after dinner because he felt sick, so perhaps a reaction from him to the MSG also.

I wasn’t sure how this visit was going to go but I am really happy now after the visit, it went really well.  Julie was really good with Corey and he did open up a bit and talk to her.  Being our first visit we went in together but in the future she will want sessions with just Corey, maybe some with just me and some with both of us.

Corey seemed to relate to her quite well which is a huge thing when it comes to therapists because if he takes a disliking to them he will just refuse to speak to them EVER.  But he seemed to like her so that is off to a good start.

She started by doing our family tree with him and then once she had the family tree drawn up she asked him who the people were that he had the closest relationships with and then the not quite as close but still good relationships with.  Then she moved on to who were the people that he had conflicts with.  She marked these things on the family tree in different colours.

It was interesting to see that I was the person that he said he had the closest relationship with but I was also the person that he has a lot of conflict with.  I knew that already but it’s just interesting to see that come out in a session like that.

He was late to school because our session was at 9:00am but his teacher knew he would be late so that was ok and he actually went into school without any issues.  Mind you today is the last day of swimming lessons so he wouldn’t have missed school and missed swimming, especially since they get to swing on the tarzan rope today.

The school had their assembly meeting this morning which they have every second Friday so we got there just in time for that starting so I stayed for the assembly.  I’m glad I did because Corey received a Principals Award for ‘fantastic work in all areas of maths’ and he was really quite proud of himself standing up the front with his award.  Ben also received a Principals Award today for ‘improved effort and attitude towards his learning’ which is great to see too.

So we’re having a happy day so far today, everything has been good, although I’m a bit concerned about tonight.  Corey wanted to have his friend sleep over last weekend and we said no due to his behaviour not being good enough.  Last time he had this friend over for a sleep over they ended up having a huge fight and I had to call his Mum to come and pick him up.

So last weekend we said no but we told him that if his behaviour was good this week that he could have a sleep over this weekend.  He has been trying really hard this week and although he’s had some bad moments, generally it’s been a pretty good week, so we told him that he could have his sleep over tonight.

So we contacted his friends Mum and asked if Dylan could sleep over and she said yes.  However, when we got to school this morning she was having trouble with Dylan and he refused to get out the car and go to school (she has a lot of issues with Dylan too).  So because Dylan didn’t go to school then he probably wont be sleeping over tonight, which Corey isn’t too happy about.  I do feel really bad for him because he’s tried so hard to be good this week to have this sleep over, but unfortunately there isn’t much I can do about it.  And I completely understand my friend saying no if Dylan is misbehaving so there is no blame there I completely understand her decision, it’s just unfortunate.

Anyway, fingers crossed he wont be too upset.  I told him he could invite another friend over after school if one of them would like to come over.  So we’ll have to wait and see what happens.  He has football training tonight at least so that should take his mind off things for a little while.

I was quite happy when I saw they were offering this course and had my name down for it straight away.  Today is the first session so it will be interesting to see what they offer or suggest or if this course can help at all.  It would be good if Derek had been able to go to it also as it can be quite difficult if I decide to change things around here and he doesn’t change also.  We need to be in agreeance (is that a word) with our parenting methods and that bit can be quite frustrating.

Corey is also going to be attending a course called ‘Friends for Life’ which is a worldwide course and the counsellor at our school did some training to be qualified to run the course.  This course is aimed at kids with anxiety and even signs of depression.  It was suppose to start last week but didn’t for some reason, so I’m not sure if he starts that tomorrow or not.

I still haven’t really started on the ‘Out of Control Child’ course – I know I’m slack and I always do this.  However, things have just been so busy around here lately with kids sports and then last week they all came down with the cold and I had Lachlan home all week sick, Ben stayed home for a day, Corey missed three days last week, although only one of them from being sick!

This week they have very nicely shared their cold with me and I’ve been feeling terrible all week.  Corey and Lachlan had swimming at school this week too and I was a bit hesitant to send Lachlan to swimming worrying that he would get his cold back since he had only just gotten over it and sure enough this morning he woke up with the sore throat and coughing again.  I’ve kept him home today but hopefully  he’ll be ok to go back tomorrow.  Tomorrow is the last day of swimming and they get to swing on a ‘Tarzan’ rope and he is really looking forward to that so I think I would struggle to get him to stay home tomorrow.

Mind you it doesn’t help me attending this course this afternoon when I have to take Lachlan with me, hopefully he will sit quietly and draw.

I’ll give an update on how this course goes and anything else that is happening.  Sorry I haven’t been updating much lately, it just seems that I always just complain about the same sort of things so I just haven’t worried about it so much.

On Sunday they have their football game and during the game Corey got tackled and thrown to the ground and he hit his head on the ground.  So on Monday he didn’t want to go to school because he had a headache.  I don’t know how much of it was real and how much of it was him just not wanting to go to school, but I let him stay home anyway.  Lachlan is also  home this week sick with a sore throat and cold which doesn’t help trying to get Corey to go to school when another one is home.

So yesterday (Tuesday) Corey just wouldn’t go to school.  He was in a foul mood all morning and would get really angry over silly little things like not being able to get his lid on his lunch box.  So after a foul morning, he just flat out refused to go to school.

Corey’s class has a camp coming up and they have a strict behavior policy when it comes to camp so because of his behavior recently he has been put on a chart and has three chances.  If he gets three strikes then he doesn’t get to go on camp (there are a couple of kids on the same sort of thing).  Strikes include when he doesn’t go to school for no reason, so yesterday he got his first strike.

Now this morning he just refused to get out of bed.  Why????  Because he was scared of getting in trouble at school for missing three days.  No matter how much I tried to explain to him that the first two days were for medical reasons so he wont get in trouble, he just couldn’t get passed the thought of possible trouble.  I explained to him that yes he does have one strike but that is it, he wont get in any further trouble than that, but his anxiety over returning to school was quite high.  Then I tried explaining how if he doesn’t go to school today then he will get himself in trouble and that the longer he leaves it the worse it will get.

Then Dad tried bribary.  Dad has a motorbike and Corey loves motorbikes so Dad tells him that if he goes to school he might buy him a helmet so he can go for a ride with him.  You have no idea how much I struggled with this as I hate motorbikes, I hate my husband having one and I hate the idea of my kids going on one.  And beside the fact that I hate motorbikes and really don’t want Corey getting on one, there is also the fact that I think it is extremely unfair on the other two kids who go to school every day and they don’t get rewarded like that.

Anyway, Corey finally went to school with the thought that he might get a helmet and even one day his own motorbike.  So this is something I will need to discuss with my husband as I’m not willing to buy a helmet just as a reward for going to school today – then what happens next time he doesn’t want to go to school, does he get another reward if he goes.

What about Ben, my oldest boy, he goes to school every day.  He is doing great at school and is captain of their house team at school as well as being ‘Fit to Lead’ leader.  He has taken on a few responsibilities at school and is doing great – shouldn’t he be the one getting rewarded for these great things that he is doing???

So as much as bribing Corey to go to school might work on the day, is it really fair???  And is it going to help long term?  Perhaps it needs to be if he goes to school every day for the rest of the year or even the term, then he might get a reward.  I don’t know, this is one I need to think about and discuss a bit more I think.

Anyway, at least he’s finally at school, even if he did get there late.  Poor little Lachlan is still home sick though

Thanks for reading
Sheryl

So there wasn’t a huge change, but it just seemed to take the edge of his anger, but because there wasn’t a huge change I just wasn’t sure if it was helping or not.

Then, I did my usual and started getting a bit slack with giving it to him and although he was pretty good and would often ask me if he should take it, he soon started forgetting also and before we knew it he was no longer taking it.

Now, a couple of weeks on and he hasn’t taken the mindsoothe jr for a couple of weeks I am noticing changes.  It is now that he’s stopped taking it that I know for sure that it was helping, that it was definitely taking the edge of his anger.  Now that he’s stopped taking it he is really bad again and quite aggressive and there is just no getting through to him.

So although the changes while he was taking mindsoothe weren’t huge, there were definite changes for the better and for a child that is as angry and can get as aggressive as Corey does, then even that small change does help.  Who knows, perhaps if he had kept taking it for longer it might have helped even more.

So we have put him back on the medication and I really need to put in a big effort myself to make sure he takes it every day.

Click here if you want to find out more about Mindsoothe Jr for kids and teens

The other thing we have done recently is put in some behaviour and consequence rules.  I have done this since reading the Out of Control Teen ebook.  I still haven’t watched all the videos as yet but have just started to implement some rules since reading the book.

One thing the book talks about is confirming what most books say – that when you have a consequence for a behaviour you need to enforce that consequence 100% of the time and also not to make threats that you know you wont follow through on.  So that is what I am doing at the moment.

We sat down and had a family meeting which went for about 1.5 hours and we discussed behaviours and consequences.  There were 4 main behaviour areas that I wanted to make consequences for and these were – physical violence, teasing and annoying, bad language, and being disrespectful.

So we let the kids have some input and discussed possible consequences for each behaviour and we came up with some that we all agreed with (although Corey wasn’t too happy as he knew that he would be the one getting the consequences the most).

Once we had all agreed on consequences, we made it clear that these were going to be enforced every time.  So the next day I typed it all up and did a chart with each behaviour and it’s consequences.  Physical violence for example just had one consequence as it went straight to loss of privileges.  Some of the other behaviours were given warning, and other lesser consequences before leading to loss of privileges.  So now it is all typed up and hanging up on the wall and the kids also have a copy each.

Corey is currently on loss of privileges and has had a couple of other consequences given since we put this in place.  The other two boys have been fairly good so far.

So that is still relatively new so I will update and let you know how it all goes.

He is allowed breaks at the usual time that he would at school – recess and lunch, but other than that he is doing the things on the list I gave him.  He wasn’t too impressed but after much arguing and yelling and throwing things, realised that I wasn’t going to back down and started doing them.

I haven’t had much of a chance to read the ‘out of control teen’ ebook, I am probably about half way through it.  It sounds quite good and the thing I like about it is that it is done over a period of 4 weeks, so rather than read a book and then just find that you are suffering from information overload and just don’t know where to start, this one is done as a course over 4 weeks which should make each strategy easier to follow.

There are also video’s to watch along with the ebook, but I think I will wait until Thursday when Corey is back at school as I don’t want to sit and watch them while he is here with me.

Corey has now been taking the Mindsoothe Jr for just over 3 weeks and I think I’m starting to see some effect.  Not a great deal, he is still angry and still throwing tantrums, name calling, slamming doors etc, but….. I do think that his tantrums are just a little less intense than usual.  So it’s still a bit early to tell, but I think the Mindsoothe might just be having enough effect just to take the edge of it all.  He has been very good with taking it too, and often he will remind me that he needs it if I forget.

So that’s my update – two more days with Corey home after today and then I’ll have them all back at school and can sit and relax with a bit of quiet

We are getting really desperate!

Coreys violence has gotten out of control, I can’t even leave him in a room with my other children anymore because I can’t trust him not to hurt them.

Yesterday he punched his 7 year old brother in the head and then the mouth because he wasn’t ‘playing the game right’.  The night before he had a friend sleep over and I ended up ringing his Mum to tell her to come and pick him up after him and Corey had a big fight and were threatening to break each others neck.  Corey apparently pulled a knife on him too when I was in the shower.

Coreys behavior is getting bad at school too, where in the past he has always managed to control himself at school.  He has had a couple of detentions and has now been suspended from school for 3 days, which is to happen after the school holidays which we have another week off.

So as you can see, we really are quite desperate now as his violence really is out of control and I am so worried that someone is going to get badly hurt again.

The natural medicine that I got doesn’t seem to be helping at all.  I know it said it could take 3 to 4 weeks before you start seeing results and it’s been about 3 weeks now that he’s been taking it, but no change yet, if anything he is worse.

Today he slammed the door against his brothers leg and when I heard him crying and asked Corey what he had done to him, he grabbed a glass that was in his room and was going to throw it at me.

We have been told that he doesn’t have ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) because he doesn’t display his symptoms at all times in all places.  Although now he is starting to.  Anyway, I don’t know whether he ‘technically’ does have it or not but look, here are the symptoms taken from MyOutOfControlTeen.com

=> Are you concerned that your child:

• Is going to hurt himself? YES
  
• Is going to hurt someone else? YES
  
• May end up in juvenile detention someday? YES
• May experiment with drugs or alcohol someday? YES
  

=> Has your child:

• Lied to you? YES
• Stolen from you? YES
• Destroyed property? YES
• Ran away from home? YES (although he usually just goes to the end of the street)
  
• Refused to do any chores? YES all the time
  
• Refused to follow any rules? YES
• Been verbally & physically aggressive? YES VERY
  
• Had temper tantrums that knew no limits?!! YES DEFINITELY

So, these are the symptoms of ODD and yes he has every single one of them to a HUGE DEGREE – so you tell me – do you think he has it?

I know a little while ago I talked about having a forum where parents can get together and chat with other parents in similar situations, but I really just haven’t had a chance to get it established.

So, I am just looking at the MyOutOfControlTeen.com website and it looks quite good and it’s only $29 (which compared to the money I’ve spent on natural therapies and pscyhologists and pyschiatrists isn’t much) and they have a members forum which would be good.  So I might grab a copy of this and see what it’s like, it has a money back guarantee too so if it’s no good I’ll get a refund, but hopefully I wont need to.

Like I said – I’m desperate and I know many things online are just to make money and don’t actually work, but I’m desperate so I’ll give anything a go at the moment.  So I am going to get this and have a read.  I believe it has an ebook, videos and a forum.  I think we are going to go away for a few days in the caravan on Sunday, so I might print it out and take it with me to read.

So – wish me luck!

He actually did it at school today in the school counsellor’s office which I don’t know the full story of yet as I just received a phone call asking me to drop in and see them tomorrow morning.  Apparently it was over him not doing homework and as a consequence he has to do it during lunch time which I don’t think he was too happy about.

Then to top things off today he got in a fight at school at lunch time and has a detention tomorrow.  Surprisingly he is actually in a reasonable mood tonight so far which I wasn’t expecting given his bad day at school.

Last Saturday night my husband went out to a 40th, it’s not very often he goes out on his own thankfully as I had the worst night with Corey.  It was like he was being extra bad because Dad wasn’t home and was really trying to dominate me I think.  He pushed me a couple of times and picked up a chair and threatened to throw it at me.  His meltdown lasted a good couple of hours before he finally settled down.

Anyway, as his behavior has been really bad lately I’ve been looking around for…. help I guess, and I came across Mindsoothe Jr and thought I might give it a go.  It is suppose to just help with emotional well being and help with calmness.  I really don’t want to put Corey on medication if I can help it so I’m happy to try an all natural product first and hope that it can help.  I know it won’t solve the problem and won’t fix anything, but even if it can make him a little calmer and a little bit happier then perhaps it might be easier for us to help him.

They say that it can take 3 or 4 weeks before you see any real results so I’ll have to stick it out and hope that it does work.  I have ordered it and can’t wait for it to get here but it does take a couple of weeks since it is coming from overseas.

I will let you know how it goes when we get it and if/when we start seeing some results.

Click here if you want to find out more about Mindsoothe Jr for kids and teens

Corey’s anger is getting so bad that it is almost constant all day long, almost every time you talk to him he will have an outburst.  It is getting ridiculous.  He spends so much time pulling his hair, punching himself in the head, banging his head against things and punching and kicking doors and walls.

He had an outburst the other day over something so silly that my other son and myself just stood there with our jaws dropped as we couldn’t believe the way he was acting (it was a really strange outburst) and the fact that he was acting this way over nothing.

I just don’t have the patience for him anymore and I know that doesn’t help matters.  But i’m just so tired of having to fight with him over everything.  Last night I asked the boys to do their homework and he just starts yelling, then picks up a jigsaw box and threw it across the room (yes all the jigsaw pieces went flying everywhere).  Then he can’t understand why I want him to pick them all up, he basically told me that I was lazy and don’t do anything around the house (this is after I just spent 2 hours doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen and decided not to ask for the kids to help, that I would let them have their free time).  Needless to say, I ended up picking up all the jigsaw pieces after he stormed off to his room screaming and swearing.

I’m just so tired – I’m sorry, I know I’ve already said that, but it’s my main emotion today, if it is an emotion at all.  I get enough sleep at night, but I’m still so tired all day because I’m emotionally exhausted.  I just feel useless, like I can’t help him, I don’t know how to help him.