That was it!

Corey immediately went on a rampage that I always get socks for Ben and Lachlan but never for him, he always has to find his own.

Hang on a minute……  I haven’t finished getting the socks yet, this is just the first pair I found and they just happened to be Bens.  I haven’t found any for Lachlan yet either, but could I explain that to him???

Oh, he was just so angry because I had socks for Ben and not for him.

I should have just let it go, but I didn’t, I went on to try and explain to him that the reason I always find it hard to find socks for him is because he doesn’t put them in to get washed.  He takes his socks of anywhere and just leaves them there, he takes them off outside and leaves them lying outside.  There are a couple of pairs in the lounge, so I tried to explain that was why I could never find clean socks for him, because he just doesn’t put them in to get washed even though I tell him until I’m blue in the face to put them in to get washed.

Mind you, the same is for Ben and Lachlan, usually I can’t find any socks for them because none of them put them in to get washed.

Corey just went mad though, he cannot handle it when I try to explain something like that to him.  Actually, I really don’t know why I bother, I should know better by now just to let it go and pick up his socks myself – which I usually end up doing anyway.

It was just so unreasonable this morning though, the big carry on over getting Bens socks and not having any for him yet.  Then that was him in a mood for the morning, he carried on and swore over everything.  I didn’t have time to hand out any lines or anything before school so I told him that he would be writing lines after school because of his language.  I shouldn’t have told him, I should have waited until after school, but I didn’t want to just spring it on him after school as then he would have forgotten about this morning and not know what he was writing lines for.

But because he knew he had lines to do after school he started crying and carrying on and wouldn’t go into his classroom.  I just walked away and took Lachlan down to his class and when I came back he was gone.  The school counsellor saw him sitting there and then told me later that within a couple of minutes he was fine and talking to the other kids and went into class without a problem.

All the dramas over a stupid pair of socks!!!

It was good to talk to the school counsellor again today though, I was talking to her about how we stopped going to the psychologist simply because of finances, so she is going to see if we can go through the school system which wont cost anything then and they do diagnosis also, so that might be the way for us to go.

Well, thanks for reading, if you relate to anything on our blog, please leave a comment, I would love to hear from other parents in similar situations.

Take care
Sheryl
www.my-beautiful-boy.com

I have one friend who has 3 kids the same age as my 3 and they are all quite good friends.  Her oldest is having a birthday in a couple of weeks and she keeps going on about how her son doesn’t really want to invite Ben because Ben doesn’t get on well with Corey.  That really annoyed me, they are supposed to be friends and she is supposed to be my friend and yet she thinks it’s quite funny that her son doesn’t want to invite Ben.  The fact that Ben doesn’t get on well with Corey has got nothing to do with their friendship or his birthday party.

They did the same thing to Corey last year when it was her middle sons birthday, him and Corey and very good friends and yet they didn’t invite Corey to his party.  Then they would keep talking about it in front of us and on the day she would send me text messages of her sons birthday cake – why would you do that???  If you don’t invite someone to a party you don’t keep talking about it and sharing those things about it to them.

Maybe I’m over reacting, but these things and a few others its just making me feel like they aren’t really true friends.

I know Corey is hard to deal with, he drives me crazy, but I hate seeing other people starting to dislike him and Ben because of his behavior.

I wish I knew what to do differently!

I have no idea why but there is starting to get a bit of a pattern.  It is often a Wednesday when Corey is ’sick’.  Today it is a headache.  I spoke with his teacher this morning and there isn’t really anything that we can think of that happens at school on a Wednesday that he might be scared off.

The other thing is that he came home yesterday and told me that he had a bad day and he was angry at a few people, his teacher being one of them.  They did skipping yesterday and he was ok doing single skipping, but then they did the long rope with 2 people holding it and one skipping in the middle.  Last time they did this he tripped on the rope and fell and was very embarassed and so he didn’t want to do it yesterday.  He flat out refused to do it and walked away and he was angry at his teacher for trying to make him do it. 

I can completely understand where he is coming from here as I was just like that when I was a kid too.  I remember doing exactly the same thing in high school but it was hurdles.  I refused to do the hurdles as I was just scared that I would trip on one and embarass myself, so I ran off and sat next to the fence and just flat out refused to do it.

So I’m not sure if it is because he had such a bad day that he doesn’t want to go today or if it is a ‘Wednesday’ thing or if he really does have a headache – who knows.

Let’s see how he is tomorrow I guess!

Last night he was being really awful.  He wanted to play pool when it was time for bed and I was telling him that its time for bed and to go and brush his teeth.  Then he just told me ‘no, I’m going to have another game of pool’.  Of course that just rubbed me up the wrong way completely – I mean, I’m his mother and I’m telling him to go and brush his teeth.  I’m not asking him if he wants to go and brush his teeth, I am telling him to go and do it.

For him to just tell me that he wont and that he IS having another game of pool just really made me mad.  So of course we had a big argument, all the way to the bathroom and while he was brushing his teeth.  That’s where I made my big mistake.  I had basically won the argument, just by the fact that he was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, and I should have left it at that.  But the more he bad mouthed me, the more I had to keep arguing back with him and in the end it was just stupid, no sense arguing.

Then after it, I felt really bad, he’s just a kid after all.

But then this morning, he was acting like that again and then my feelings of feeling sorry for him just disappear. 

Corey thinks the whole world is conspiring against him I think.  Everything that happens has to be somebody doing it to him.  Things can’t be coincidence or just completely unrelated to him, he thinks everything happens by someone trying to be nasty to him.

For example:  this morning the kids were getting ready for school and Corey was getting stressed because he couldn’t find his shoes.

So instead of calmly looking for his shoes, he starts carrying on blaming Ben (his older brother).  It’s all Bens fault.  Ben has hidden them from him just to get him in trouble. 

He really believed that Ben had hidden his shoes from him to get him in trouble.  I tried to tell him that he was wrong (big mistake) and that the whole world is not against him, but he just had it in his head that Ben had hidden his shoes.

Anyway, I went to help him look for his shoes and I went into his bedroom and there they were, plain as day, sitting in the middle of the floor in his room.

The worst bit is, I still think he really believes it was Bens fault anyway.

It is really hard to be nice to him when he acts like this.  I know these are just little things, but when these sort of little things happen constantly, it just really wears you down.

Fingers crossed he will be in a happier mood when I pick them up from school this afternoon.

“Why does he get everything”

“He gets everything and I get nothing”

I’m sure you can imagine what it was like.  After buying the shin pads he whined and cried for just about the rest of the day – “Why does Ben get everything?”

So I told him that because Ben was getting this stuff that perhaps I could put the jacket on layby for him and then it would take a few weeks to pay it off and then he will have it.  Of course that still wasn’t good enough, he wants it NOW!  After all, Ben is getting everything NOW!

So that night we talked about it with his Dad and we decided that we would put it on layby and that he had to make a real attempt at improving his behavior for the next 3 weeks.  If he has made a good attemt, then he will get the jacket in 3 weeks.

So, the jacket went on layby last Thursday – 6 days ago and his behavior…….  well he is trying I’ll give him that much.  There have been a couple of times when he’s been arguing or yelling at someone and I’ve told him to walk away and he did – usually he just ignores me and keeps on yelling.  There have been a few of the real anger moments and a few times when he has spoken nastily to me and each time I’ve just calmly said ‘remember the jacket’ and he’s apologised straight away.

I know that when he gets the jacket that he will probably just get really bad again, but at least we can see that he is putting in an effort.  I know it isn’t easy for him so at least he’s trying.  He can be such a good kid when he wants to be, but unfortunately we are seeing less and less of that good kid, so if we can get some times such as these when he actually tries to be good, then that’s something.

We still have 2 weeks left before he gets the jacket so hopefully it will be a reasonably good 2 weeks.  If he can do it then he deserves the jacket, I know it isn’t easy for him.

So here is our update……..

Corey is now 9 1/2 and is still causing us a lot of trouble. His language is terrible and he still has a lot of anger. I went back to our GP and asked to be referred to a paediatrician since the psychologist and psychiatrist really hadn’t helped us all that much. Even though they seemed quite good, they just didn’t really help.

So the paediatrician did a full physical exam on Corey and full blood tests and other than finding what we think was a lollie in his ear, everything else was normal. He then referred us to another psychologist for a full psychiatric and academic assessment – he was quite surprised that no-one had done a full assessment on him yet and this new psychologist was very surprised too that it hadn’t been done already.

This psychologist is Dr Lindy Petersen and she is really, really good. I can’t believe that she actually got Corey to talk to her and he likes her so is much more comfortable with her. She spent some brief time with me getting a general run down of the problems we’re having and then she brought Corey in for the assessment while I waited in the waiting room.

Then my husband and I went in for another appointment a couple of days later to get the results.

His IQ (I can’t remember the exact score) is normal, except in one area where he scored quite low – it is the area for emotional/social stuff. Then his academic assessment came back good also, he scored at around the level for 10 1/2 year olds, so he’s about a year ahead academically.

Dr Petersen said that the emotional/social area where he scored low, that most Aspergers kids score low in that area.

Next we discussed ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and she said that he doesn’t have it. The criteria for an ODD diagnosis is that they need to have about 4 of the 8 symptoms and Corey I think has 7, but the reason he doesn’t have it is that the other half of the criteria is that they show these symptoms all the time. They are disrespectful and defiant with everyone, all authority, even at school, which Corey isn’t like that at school. At school, he would be too scared to say ‘boo’ to his teacher. So that rules out ODD for him, even though he does have the symptoms but just at home.

Dr Petersen has been doing this for 30+ years and she said she can get a general feel for things when she’s talking to kids and she definately got a bit of an ‘autism spectrum disorder’ feel with Corey although only mild. He hasn’t officially been diagnosed but she does feel that he has mild Asperger Syndrome.

Once again though, he passes the criteria quite highly in one section of symptoms, but is only borderline in the other section. One section involves social skills, lack of empathy, that sort of thing and that is where Corey scored quite highly, he has a definate lack of empathy and social skills. The other criteria is the obsessiveness and repetitive behaviors, which Corey is not as high on, he does have some obsessive behaviors but not overly obsessive.

I have felt for a long time now that Corey has Aspergers and although not diagnoses both the last pyschiatrist and Dr Petersen have said that he has mild Aspergers.

The other thing she said about his symptoms and the ODD symptoms is that it is quite common for Aspergers to have the ODD symptoms at home but not at school. They hold all the anger and frustration inside when they are out in public and when they get home they explode (exactly like Corey). It was really good to hear her say that actually because everyone else we had seen seemed to think he didn’t have a ‘disorder’ because of the fact that he was good at school. They said if he had a disorder he wouldn’t be able to control it any time and he would be like that at all times, but according to Dr Petersen many Aspergers kids do keep it in when at school.

She discussed with us that since Corey lacks empathy that it is pointless trying to discuss some things with him. Even though he does something wrong, it is almost impossible to get him to see that he has done wrong (which is so true with Corey), so she said we are really wasting our time when we try to make him admit he is wrong because he just doesn’t see it. She said that is something that will never change.

Her main advice for us to try over the following six weeks (off when we saw here) was to try and ignore a lot of his behavior. Ignore 90% of the behavior and address the worst 10% that just can’t be ignored. This is because she believes a lot of his behavior is to get a reaction from us, or to get our attention – particularly when he calls me names and argues with me – he wants me to argue back.

I can see where she is coming from but at the same time we have found this really difficult to do because it is really hard to ignore a lot of what he does. He often kicks the doors and walls, slams doors etc which really annoys my husband as he has spent so much time and money working on our house so how can we just let Corey destroy it and ignore it. It isn’t easy.

I do believe Dr Petersen could possibly be the one to help us with Corey, however, for those 2 sessions it cost $900. Admittedly we got back $500 through our health fund but it still cost us $400 for 2 sessions. When it came around to our next appointment we just didn’t have the money to go so we had to cancel it. It is really unfortunate you know and a bit sad that we finally find someone that we think could help and we can’t afford to take our son to her.

All I want is for my son to be good, to stop being so angry all the time. I want him to get better now, before he is 16 and its too late.

Along with his anger he has a lot of nervous tension too, lately he’s started cracking his knuckles when he’s nervous but it has gotten to the stage where he is just doing it all the time. He really reminds me so much of myself when I was younger – except for the anger.

Anyway, I’m going to stop now because this post has gotten quite long. I will try and get back in here more often to post. Please feel free to leave a comment or if you’d like to share your story on our blog just use the contact us link at the top and send us an email.

Take care
Sheryl

Corey has actually had a few reasonably good days and then today he went bad again.  I really wish I could pinpoint what it is that makes him worse on some days than on others.

I have gone on this diet myself as well as putting Ben and Lachlan on it too.  I did this for two reasons, firstly to make it easier for Corey so he doesn’t have to watch us eating things that he can’t eat and secondly just to see if we feel any benefits from this diet.  Although we don’t have as obvious behavior issues like Corey, it is still possible we may be sensitive to some foods that we are eating but we may have more subtle symptoms.  So it will be very interesting to see how we all go.

Lachlan is the worst one and as he is only six he doesn’t really understand why all of a sudden he has to stop eating his favourite foods.  I’m sure he will get use to it soon enough though, Ben is being very good about it and so is Corey actually.  He will actually ask me if something is ok for him to eat and if it contains wheat or not, he really does want to get better.

Anyway, I will keep updating on our progress and hopefully my next post might bring some good news on the diet results front.

Take care
Sheryl
http://www.ourexceptionalkids.com

We have a new symptom or habit now that Corey has just started over the last week.  Now he wont go to sleep at night and cries because he is scared.  He has never been scared in his room at night before.  He use to share a room with Lachlan and then we moved them all into their own rooms which he was really happy with and liked having his own room.  However, Lachlan wasn’t very happy and was scared in his own room and wanted to go back to sharing with Corey.  That is the weird bit, when Corey was with Lachlan before he was fine, when he was on his own he was fine, now he’s sharing again he’s scared.  The last few nights I’ve had to lie down next to him until he has fallen asleep. 

Tonight I put a radio on in his room as he says he hears noises – they have pet rats in another room which I’m sure are the noises he hears.  So I’m hoping the radio will keep him from hearing the noises that the rats make.  It seems to have worked tonight so fingers crossed it will keep working.

Last night lying in bed I thought that maybe I should try a naturopath so today I rang a couple but couldn’t get in for a while.  I really am not thinking straight lately, someone then recommended to me the one on the corner of a particular street and as soon as they said it I couldn’t believe I didn’t think of it, it is right across the road from our house just about.  So I went over there and made an appointment for Wednesday.  They do allergy testing too which should be good, it will make it easier attempting an elimination diet if they can actually find if he is allergic to anything.

So anyway I will keep the blog updated with how the naturopath goes, I really am hoping they can help us since nothing else seems to have helped.  I really want to avoid medication if at all possible so this naturopath really is my last hope.

Thanks for reading and take care
Sheryl
http://www.ourexceptionalkids.com

We had a terrible, terrible day today.  Derek had to work this morning which he doesn’t usually do on Saturdays and boy was I glad he only worked half the day.  I was in tears by the time he got home, it is just so incredibly hard when things just seem to get worse and worse instead of better.

I have given up on the gluten free diet and I

I’m not sure whether I have done the wrong thing by giving up, but it was just too hard.  I was really starting to think that sugar was effecting him but today was really bad and I don’t think he had any sugar today.  I am really at a loss to know if there is anything like food causing his behavior it is just so hard to pick.

I don’t know if I already wrote about it but someone suggested to try fish oil tablets and so I went out a bought a bottle of 125 capsules and within a week the kids had eaten the lot of them.  I was giving them the recommended 2 tablets a day and they were on a high cubpoard in the kitchen (not that that stops them) and they got to them at some stage and ate them all.  Not one of them would own up to it either.

School starts in a couple of days and I know that is going to be a nightmare.  He is always worse once he’s had a break, I can almost guarantee that he wont go on Monday.  I am still working my way through the Fed Up book although I got behind with it as I lost if for a couple of weeks.  I searched the entire house and couldn’t for the life of me find it but eventually I did under my bed – I have no idea how it got there.  Anyway, that book has a list of preservatives to avoid in foods so I’m thinking I may go down that road of avoiding the preservatives listed in the book and see how we go there.  I am also going to cut down the amount of sugar.  The psychiatrist said that the diabetic diet is a really good one to be on and it is one that everyone can benefit from and talked about how a healthy diet and lifestyle can all play a role in behaviour and anxiety.

We had an appointment with Dr Callary last week which Corey wouldn’t even go to.  He went to the clinic but stayed in the waiting room he wouldn’t go into to talk to Dr Callary, so it was just a session on my own with him.  He did bring up medication but I really don’t want to go down that road if I can avoid it, although I have to admit that his behavior lately and in particular today makes me think that might be our only option.

I am trying some EFT at the moment on myself and a little on him.  I think it’s helped me a bit but I can’t see any changes with it in him as yet.  I will keep trying though, at least if it can help me then that might rub off on him a bit – you never know.

Well take care and thanks for reading
Sheryl

http://www.ourexceptionalkids.com

Today we had an appointment with Dr Callary again which went quite well.  Although, he does believe now that Corey does likely have a disorder that is neurological and not just bad behavior.  He thinks it may very well be Aspergers but is still not confident enough to actually diagnose it but says that the more he learns about Corey the more that he can see the signs of Aspergers in him.

The problem we have now is that if it is Aspergers then this is something he was born with and it’s really not his fault that he acts the way he does.  But that doesn’t make it any easier for us to deal with.  How do you deal with this?

He says – and I have to agree -  that it’s not likely that we can just try to get Corey to make the effort to change because although when we talk about it he may nod his head and agree but he really doesn’t comprehend it.  He said that it needs to be a whole family effort and we will need to learn to live with this and work with it as a family.  The hope is that if we learn to deal with it differently and change a few things, become more organised that sort of thing, then hopefully Corey will be more comfortable and will be less anxious all the time. 

Asperger children like things to be done a certain way and that is just Corey, he likes things to be done the ‘right way’ or his way and so they really need some organisation in their lives and routine.  I, lately, am just so disorganised it’s not funny which really is the worst environment for Corey to be in.  So it really does mean big changes for us and it all seems so hard.

I just don’t have the energy to deal with all this anymore.

I’m still reading the Fed Up book and will be up to the elimination diet bit soon, which I know is going to be hard to put into place too.  I really hope diet can make a difference because if it doesn’t I don’t know how I’m going to cope with this much longer.

Ok, I’ve raved quite a bit now, but I really needed to get that out

Thanks
Cya
Sheryl