Yesterday the kids had their school concert, which was in the morning at their school.  The night before Corey was getting really worried about it and told me that he really didn’t want to do it.  He didn’t have any ’solo’ part in the concert, just his whole class going up on stage to sing.  He didn’t want to go on stage in front of all the school and all the parents that would be there.

I remember that feeling, he is so much like me when I was a child.  The difference though is that I just accepted my fate and did it, I didn’t feel like I had any other choice than to do it even though I was terrified.

There was no force on earth that was going to get Corey up on that stage though and in the morning he just flat out refused to go to school.  I did manage to get him to the school office (not in his school uniform though) and got in to see the Principal.  Both myself and the principal told Corey that he didn’t have to do the concert and perhaps he could sit with me during the concert and then go back to his normal classroom routine when the concert was finished.  He wouldn’t do it though, I think he was a bit scared to go back to his classroom because of how his teacher might act toward him for not doing the concert (his teacher isn’t very helpful with his issues).

So it was a no go for school yesterday for Corey.  I stayed for the concert and Corey stayed with me and then came home with me after it.

During the concert I watched my other two boys up there and they just didn’t even hesitate to go up and do their bit and they both looked so happy doing it.  Ben is always mucking around and having fun with his friends and Lachlan is just such a happy little boy, he always has a smile on his face.

Then after school all the trouble started again, the fighting started as soon as the boys got out of school. Lachlan had my car keys and Corey wanted them and that was all it took for Corey to absolutely lose control.  He locked us out the car and he tried to bash Lachlan, in fact Lachlan was so scared of him that even this morning Lachlan has been following me around and not going anywhere near Corey because he’s scared Corey is going to bash him.

Just observing the boys yesterday at school and at home I just kept thinking how happy Ben and Lachlan are and how sad Corey always is.  He is always angry about everything.  Something as simple as asking him to do homework, asking him to brush his teeth or telling him it’s bed time.  Just these little things, even though they are a part of everyday routine, will set him off in a fit of rage.

I think about what it must be like for him (I know what it’s like for the rest of us to live with that) but for him, he must be really miserable.  Surely he can’t like living like this.  I think he wants to be happy, I just don’t think he knows how to be happy.

How can I help my little boy to be happy?

A couple of nights ago though I actually stuck to it and gave Corey a punishment that I felt guilty about.  My oldest son Ben wanted to go and see the movie New Moon.  At first I was going to take all the kids to see it but as we are watching the budget at the moment I was a little hesitant to take the younger too since they aren’t really as interested in the Twilight movies as Ben is.

I was tossing up all afternoon whether to take the younger 2 with us or not and Corey wanted to go (more for the sake of going out and to the movies rather than to see that actual movie).

The decision came when Corey had an argument with his Dad, I actually don’t even know what the argument was about, but when I heard Corey stomp in the door and swearing like a trooper then I made up my mind.  I told him he wasn’t going to the movies because with his behaviour he just didn’t deserve to be taken to the movies.

He wasn’t very happy and just kept insisting that he is going and that’s that.  But my decision was made, there was no considering changing it once I heard his foul language.  Although his language is always bad, I just thought that perhaps leaving him home might get him thinking – when he realises that I will follow through with it.

So Ben and I went and saw New Moon (that’s the second time I’ve seen it) and had a great time and loved the movie.  Corey was still upset when we got home because he had wanted to come.

It isn’t easy but often we take him out and as soon as he gets home he is really bad and nasty again, so it makes me feel like he really doesn’t deserve to be taken out.  So this time he got left behind.  I don’t know if it will do any good, his behavior certainly hasn’t improved since then, but perhaps if I keep up with doing things like that then maybe it might have a positive effect in the long term.

If anyone has used this approach and had success I would love to hear from you.

Thanks for reading
Take care
Sheryl
My-Beautiful-Boy.com

A couple of months ago I was speaking with the counselor at Coreys school and she said that she could arrange a meeting with someone from the Education Department and evaluate our situation and see if they can get us the help we need through the school system – which would be free.  She said they can even get a full assessment and diagnosis for him through the system.

Finally – getting some help.

Well a meeting was arranged with the lady from the education department in September – it was the second to last week of school before the holidays.  10 minutes before the meeting, the school rang me to say that the meeting had been cancelled and would be rescheduled for the following week.

The following week I never heard anything from the school and my kids were all sick so I really didn’t even think about it anyway.  Then it was school holidays for 2 weeks.

So, now that we’re back at school this week, I just found out that the school counselor has taken long service leave this term and so she wont be back at school until next year.

Hey hang on a minute – what about our meeting????

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she can’t take long service leave, everyone is entitled to their leave when it is due – but couldn’t something have been said to me, couldn’t arrangements have been made for the meeting with someone else, couldn’t something have been done?  Does this now mean that I have to wait until next year before we can finally start getting things moving to try and get some help???

Needless to say, I’m not very happy.  The anger issues and the swearing seems to get worse and worse all the time.  Just when you think it couldn’t get any worse it does.

Corey has missed so much school lately it’s not funny, yet he can’t get a diagnosis because “it’s not affecting his schooling” they said, so they don’t need to do an official diagnosis.  He might not be naughty or disruptive at school, but HE DOESN’T GO TO SCHOOL, personally I thought that would be ‘affecting his schooling’ but apparently not!

Maybe I shouldn’t worry about a diagnosis, it’s not like a diagnosis is going to change anything anyway.  I guess for me a diagnosis might help me feel better if other people know there is a reason for his behavior, instead of me thinking that everyone just thinks I’m a bad parent that has no control over my child.

Anyway, I’ll stop raving now.  As you can probably tell, I’m just quite angry and frustrated at the moment and had to come on here and vent my anger.

Thanks for reading
Sheryl
My Beautiful Boy

Yesterday I had both Ben and Corey home from school – Ben has had a sore throat for a couple of days and Corey had a ‘headache’.  Although he really didn’t seem that bad, I think it was ‘headache Wednesday’.  Yesterday was my grocery shopping day so I had to take them with me.

We started off alright and then when we were about three quarters through it started.  They started fighting, Ben said something that made Corey mad and then all hell broke loose.  Corey used that lovely ‘F’ word by telling Ben to ‘F’ off, nice and loud, right when an elderly lady walked past us.

So I guess I have 2 choices here:

1. Ignore it – which then makes me look like a stupid Mother who let’s her children swear like that without any discipline.

2. Discipline him – tell him off.  Which I know will make him worse.

So, I decided that I can’t just ignore it and let him get away with it – I don’t know why I decide that, telling him off really doesn’t do anything.  But I told him off, which of course set him off even more, then he yelled very loudly “leave me alone you bitch’.

Well, there’s nothing that makes you feel better than being called a bitch by your child in the middle of the supermarket.

At this point, I decided just to walk on and continue with my shopping and ignore him.

When we got home, he had just about forgotten anything that happened, but I hadn’t.  I know I probably should let things go, but I just can’t stand to let him do these things and not suffer any consequence for them.

So I told him he had to sit and write lines – one page saying ‘I will not use the F word’ and another saying ‘I will not call Mum a bitch’.  Then he just lost it again, told me to ‘F’ off and ran outside slamming the door behind him.

So he actually spent the rest of the day outside as I told him he couldn’t come in until he was willing to write his lines.  When it started getting dark, he decided to come in and write his lines.

It is just so draining sometimes and so silly.  Surely he knows by now that if he just writes his lines straight away it will be over and done with.  Instead he puts it off and puts it off, but he doesn’t get away with it, he still has to do them, so why put it off and make things worse.

Yes, he did also get an extra page of lines for telling me to ‘F’ off.

I don’t think making him write lines actually works – if it did he’d be good by now.  But what does work???  We’ve tried putting him in time out.  We’ve tried banning him from his favourite things.  Nothing seems to work.

People say to ignore most of his behavior – 90/10 – ignore 90% of it and discipline the 10% of it that is really bad – but all of his behavior is really bad.

Does ignoring it really work?  To me, ignoring it is just letting him do it, letting him get away with it.  How does that help?  All it is doing is letting him think that it is ok for him to do it.

Any suggestions anyone?????